Welcome to your judgement-free zone.
thoughts, services, and general sexual information by ilah kristel mallari
(ee-luh; she/they/siya)
Certified Sex Coach™, Multi-Certified Sex Educator & Trauma-Informedmy motto when it comes to my coaching:
•
The personal
•
is
•
my business.
• The personal • is • my business.
ABOUT ME:
Born on 1:11am, on November 1st, 1994, came along an 8.8lb baby and they were named Ilah Kristel.
In February 2016, I went out for my usual route to run, kept tripping, went to see my GP, scheduled an MRI, and the MRI tech escorted me to the emergency room. I was admitted and when I found out about my mystery brain inflammation, sadly, my first thought was, "oh no. Who's going to have sex with me now?"
I am a multi-certified sexual educator and Certified Sex Coach™ with a niche or focus on sexually traumatized, queer-identifying, and disabled survivors, and individuals who are having trouble with anything in a relationship; you’d be surprised how often the client knows what’s wrong because I coached them to clearly identify a specific concern. That’s coaching! I graduated from SFSU in 2018, with a BS in Biology (conc. Physiology) and minoring in human sexuality studies. Moving onto becoming a Certified Sexual Educator from the now-closed San Francisco Sexual Institute with an additional Sexual Health Educator Certificate from CCSF. In 2024, I became a graduate of Sex Coach University as a Certified Sex Coach™.
I am known to be very charismatic and assertive. I intend on making my clients feel safe, while maintaining and focusing on their goals. I am very consent-heavy and a big fan of harm reduction because sex coaching is harm reduction; comprehensive sexual health education, sex work safety, queer and disabled education, and stories from survivors of SA or SV (Sexual Assault/Violence). I am known for my online tenacity and outing a family member and one of my rapists.
I believe that everyone can, not necessarily heal their traumas, but learn how to redirect the brain into positive pathways and directions.
Things I do for fun:
finding fellow sexperts
traveling
discovering new restaurants
discovering new sex companies
picnics
board games
weekly movie/game/art nights (usually horror-related)
bi-monthly choir sessions with Soft Power Frequency’s Village in the Sky
sing/harmonize (I’m Filipinx, what did you expect?!)
sex, duh!
literally anything horror-related or adjacent! (I made my own Instagram account for it! Ask me about it!)
Bi, not shy,
and easily cries.
:)
don't negate the prostate!
POV your queer “friend” notices you’re cold
:)
me, being a silly goose with, one out of too many, vibrator toys!
AFTER A PRE-APPROVED CONSULTATION, INITIAL SESSION IS APPROX 1 TO 1.5 HOURS LONG & COSTS
$150
$100
BIRTHDAY/HOLIDAY DEAL*
*PACKAGES NOT INCLUSIVE, BUT THIS IS STILL CHEAPER
but why?Working with me is your opportunity to be coached through the potential reasons behind your thoughts, feelings, and actions, bringing valuable insights, revealing motivations and emotions, fostering self-awareness, personal growth, and overall sexual well-being. Delving into your inner self in relevance to the world, going beyond: seeking justification, leading to a deeper understanding and empowerment, navigating trauma, and all can be done through the magic of sex coaching.
Schedule a Consultation!
Ready to do the work?
Services
(UPDATED 11/14/2024)
NEW DEAL FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ANGRY AND VOTED FOR TRUMP FOR ONLY $50/60-MIN!
*THESE WILL BE A SAFE, CONTROLLED, AND AUDIBLY RECORDED SESSIONS TO ALLOW OPEN, HONEST AND CONSTRUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS TO HELP RECONNECT THE HUMAN RACE, WHILE MAINTAINING SAFETY. RECORDINGS ARE FOR ACCOUNTABILITY AND ARE SAVED IN A PASSWORD-ENCRYPTED HARD DRIVE. YOU CAN LITERALLY LIE ON THIS INTAKE FORM*
I am on Ohlone, Chochenyo, Karkin, Yokuts, and the Muwekma Indigenous groups’ colonized land of San Francisco, Bay Area, California.
I am a visibly disabled with pretty privilege, a US naturalized citizen, and am currently mentally stable. Both of my parents are still alive and are thrivingly retired in the Philippines. I am light-skinned and genetically skinny-bodied. I can afford food, clothes, medicine, and other daily life necessities. Lastly, I am slowly becoming financially stable and enjoying my own entrepreneurial journey.
Land Acknowledgements and My Privileges:
Sexual Education Playlist
Educational Posts
PROFESSIONAL TESTIMONIALS:
WARMLY FROM DR. NORELYN PARKER (STUDENT ADVISOR/GENERAL MANAGER AT SCU):
“It was an absolute honor to be a part of Ilah's journey from dedicated student to Certified Sex Coach! As her student advisor, I saw firsthand how passionate she was about diving deep into her studies, always bringing her unique flair to everything she did. Now, seeing her do her thing creating content and advocating for the survivors of SA/ST, the disabled, queer, BIPOC, unhoused, and sex worker communities, it’s like the whole world finally gets to experience the magic that I knew was there all along! Her growth has been incredible, but what’s even more exciting is how she’s taken her own coaching style and made it totally her own—authentic, empowering, and a little bit cheeky. If you’re lucky enough to work with her, get ready for a transformative experience that’s as fun as it is impactful!”
WARMLY FROM JORDAN VECCHIO (BOSS/BOSC COORDINATOR AT SCU):
“As someone who has known Ilah for almost 2 years, I am glad to share a testimonial about Ilah and their work. Throughout their time in the Sex Coach U Certified Sex Coach training program, I watched them grow--both in their sexology knowledge and their coaching abilities. Ilah’s passion for their work is evident. They courageously embrace new challenges and opportunities for growth, inspiring those around them to do the same. Ilah is not just a coach but a great role model for setting boundaries and engaging in self-improvement. Their unique blend of sensitivity, humor, and insight will leave a lasting impact on those they work with, and I expect that they will touch the lives of many through their coaching and beyond.”
CLIENTELE TESTIMONIALS:
FROM A.D.
“After not being sexually active for a while and while healing from sexual trauma, Ilah helped me gain the confidence and knowledge necessary to take down any road blocks. Their guidance was very much appreciated and helped my partner and me have better communication and preparation. Thank you!”
FROM L.D.
“Ilah has assisted me on numerous occasions with my current relationships and processing my past relationships. She has taught me how to better advocate for myself to my doctor for my sexual health, as well as the health of all of my partners.”
FROM K.N.