My Belief in a Higher Power
I am no stranger to religious trauma, especially when it comes to Roman Catholicism. Organized religion has taken so much away from me, my culture, and brainwashed my beautiful country. I was forced to go to church every Sunday and even when I was a child, I questioned God. I do not believe in a God that allows suffering and pain, nor do I believe that the world is fair. If there truly was a God, why do so many good people suffer and the malignant bloodsucking billionaires get no consequences? Why are my friends dead due to HIV/AIDS and the deprivation of ample support? Why do we only care about pregnancy, but neglect the new human and recently physically taxing of childbirth on earth, specifically Amerikkka? All of these have turned me into an atheist, but I've been watching and listening to my ancestral, pre-colonized roots lately and doing a lot of "spiritual" practices that are appropriate to my culture.
“What does spirituality mean to me,” is a question I've been asking myself because of my studies. Spirit is the S part of the MEBES© model, coined by Dr. Patti Britton and emphasizes that, “[S] encompasses two aspects: the spirit of who the client is inside—their inner identity—and a path of spirituality.” I have learned to separate religion and spirituality and it has changed my life positively. Essentially, I treat myself like a God(dess) during times when I feel sad. I have practiced dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), particularly something called opposite-action; making the conscious decision and effort in the decision to do the opposite of how you are feeling. This rewires your brain to anticipate future negative situations in order for you to make a positive decision. Yes, I said I am God and I am. Why can't I self-identify as a God; I'm helping people by holding space for others to heal and reframe their narrative. Isn't that God-like?
Yeah, I think I'm a God(dess) because I know my purpose here on Earth; to heal and teach with kindly hidden anger. Anger fuels me, but love heals me so much more effectively than anger. There are many things to be angry about, but coming from a family with a history of violence, I have to keep it under control. Which is why I know I should not own a gun! Self and mood regulation are two things that I'm so proud of and I have to thank my spirituality for that. Meditation, journaling, singing, and healing are all spiritual to the Church of Tallasianchick. A(wo)mxn!
