The Last of Us Season 2 and Me
The penultimate episode of The Last of Us, “Future Days,” hit me so hard in the face, I am having a hard time coping.
Everything is aligning with my weekly tarot pull; for the past 3 consecutive weeks they've all been negative interpretations. Today [MAY 19, 2025], I partook in my ritualistic weekly ask about the week ahead. This third consecutive pull revealed to be a Reversed Six of Swords, indications of feeling trapped, instability, cancelled travel, not necessarily indicating destruction, but more so the acceptance of “letting go.” We cannot control, and should hold ourselves accountable for the horrible things we've done. This past Saturday, March 17th, I received a message from my nephew who was shot in the face and incarcerated. I have been waiting for this day for the past 5 years now. I knew that this was the moment; his cry for help when he literally sobbed, “America ruined my life. I had stability in the Philippines. I know I did some bad stuff and I am sorry, but I just want to be a family again.” Visibly seeing an older version of someone you took care of, guided, tried to save… my heart aches just writing this. I had to be realistic with him and said that things will never be the same and they are not to blame. I know I’m not to blame, but handling this as an adult with resources makes me feel less guilty because he is someone I’ve seen grow up. I feel guilty that I was too busy with my own shit that I didn't notice my niece [his little sister] was self-harming. I felt like I failed them; I didn't break the generational trauma. Then I thought, why should I feel guilty about my family’s values when it comes to their lack of family planning? They always claimed they reached financial stability when they had me, but I needed emotional stability. We needed emotional stability. If you aren’t going to accept your child fully or already have pre-determined plans for them, either research or find assistance because the world is constantly shifting. But some things and actions from my family are just unacceptable to me.
The opening scene showed us a [great-?]grandpa Sheriff/Officer Miller (many people pointed that out #ACAB) speaking authoritatively to an anxious, puppy-dog eyes looking, teenage Joel expecting physical punishment. Instead, we get more background on Joel’s childhood, how the effects of that event trickled down to Ellie, and perpetuating the cycle of (inter)generational trauma. “Future Days,” is not my favorite episode this season because it only solidified my beliefs on Joel: he is not a good person. I know many Joels in my family and I actively try not to be a Joel: manipulative, stubborn, and a liar. The episode is one of my favorites, but I can't untether Joel's behavior to my own manipulative family. The lying, deceit, and audacity of teaching Ellie how to lie was my last straw. I love Pedro, but I fucking hate Joel because he's selfish and wants Ellie to himself. A familiar feeling I've experienced with my narcissistic, manipulative family.
It never fails to make me laugh when my mother utters, “bahala sila sa buhay nila,” when talking about my brothers or me [or literally anyone she dislikes/disagrees with/fights/etc. The phrase is very familiar to the Filipino community, literally translating to, “they can do what they want with their life.” I find it so ironic that such an empowering phrase was meant to put people like me down; the “bad” ones, the ones who have sex and like it, go to church just to harmonize, don’t gossip, the ones who mind their own business. Not the ones who hit their partners, neglect their children, or governmental figures. This phrase has been weaponized to make us feel small because they feel very insignificant that their voices become louder than yours. Whenever I intellectually challenge anyone in my family, I'm often dismissed because I didn't get good grades because I went to college in America.
For example, my parents bought an “ionizer,” claiming it’s miraculous health benefits and how their shits are oilier because they think they’re shitting out the “toxins.” I LITERALLY MAJORED IN THIS AND HAVE EVEN POINTED OUT SOME ARTICLES ABOUT ALKALINE WATER!
They have no clue about science, how their bodies work, and it often frustrates me that they aren’t even willing to learn. Children in my family are used for money, control, and entertainment for others, not the potential for love, confidence, or even thoughts on the future.
Lastly, I'm sorry, but I had no choice in moving to the States when I was 5, why are you mad at me? I'm the only girl and the youngest, you really didn't think about the cultural shock that I would've (and did) experience? When Ellie said, “I had a purpose. I was supposed to die,” I sobbed because none of this would have happened if I was born. If my mother had the proper resources, pro-choice, science-driven thoughts, I wish she had aborted me because it's so much more cruel to bring a child into this world when you are not prepared. I am not saying that someone should off me, in fact, please don’t do that. This is not commentary on eugenics because that could easily lead down the roads to racism. Also, hi? Hello? I'm a hard-working, disabled sexologist and not a stranger to eugenics. I'm commenting on people who have kids just to have kids, people who are intentionally cruel to their offspring, and just societal thinking. I'm simply Uno-Reversing their weaponized language. I'm hanging a mirror up to a bunch of not-hot, rabies-infested, soul-sucking vampires that won't self-reflect [get it because vamps can’t see their own reflection heheheHAHAHA]. Going back to “Future Days,” I will never give up on youth like my family does. Yes, there will be times when I assert my boundaries and have walked away, but I'm always open to forgiveness when it's authentic. I do not abandon people when they need me most and that's what differentiates me from my immediate family.
