Family Issues & Family Failures
As an adult, you realize how family and past generations have failed its succeeding children. My paternal grandfather abandoned his 6 children, leaving my grandmother and children to raise themselves. My parents were immigrants and worked to provide for their 5 children, leaving my father figure/brother with the bunso (Tagalog for “the youngest child"). My older brothers are gamblers and abusers and our misogynistic parents let the ones with penises off the hook most of the time. Now, it has unfortunately trickled down to the subsequent generations and now, my nephew is going to be incarcerated for interpersonal violence (IPV).
I know that every family and human being is dealing with their own shit. Trauma is so common and we're constantly in a state of trauma. War, politics, environment, work, relationships, capitalism, pandemics, it's all trauma. I am in a state of constant vicarious trauma and so are many of us, we just don't know it because we were never taught how to properly respond to trauma. The trauma never goes away, but you learn to live and cope with it through time and coping skills. For example, body regulation using conscience breathing. I like to use a method I created called 7-5-7 breathing; eyes open or closed, be aware of your sensations, begin with inhaling for 7 seconds, holding for 5, and exhaling for 7 seconds again (do this 3 times).
My nephew never learned these skills because I moved to San Francisco and he lives in the East Bay (about an hour to an hour and a half with traffic). I tried checking in, but he never answered which concerned me. Additionally, I'm so angry at his neglectful father (2nd oldest brother), although my niece did say there are things in their family that I didn't know about (this makes me so sad). You are a teenage girl, you shouldn't have to think like an adult, and you certainly shouldn't understand these deep issues because they shouldn't be happening in the first place! His father won't even take time off to visit and speak to his son. He even had the audacity to instruct me to, “take care of him for me, guys [my caretaker and I]!" Why don't you take time off, come support your son, see him face-to-face, and tell him you're sorry for neglecting him.
This family loves to abandon its members even though I've always been taught family first. No, my nephew physically abused his girlfriend, there is no excuse for that. My current concern is his further spiral because of the terrible treatment of incarcerated POC. I'm afraid that he'll join a gang because he is prone to gang violence and was even shot in the face with no further investigation. Considering he lacks family, he is more likely to join a gang as gangs tend to be similar to family structures and extreme loyalty. I'm so upset and I have every reason to be. Much like him, I don't have much emotional family support. I want accountability and rehabilitation, but we all know that's not how Amerika works.
