Death as Liberation
My dream has always been to help people. When I was a kid, I would massage my family because I had the height and strength of a 13-year-old when I was 10 and the $5 reward. My family immigrated from the Philippines in 2000 when I was 5; I couldn’t contribute financially so this was the least I could do for my parents and my closest brother. I'm not going into the intricacies of my family dynamic because I've healed from that trauma. My biggest traumas are becoming disabled in America and sexual assaults. I've beautifully recovered from my own sexual traumas, though I'm still fighting for my own rights as a disabled person; then add a business for the cherry on top
I'm currently in grad school for sex coaching and am surprising my peers and instructors with the speed of my completion with the modules. I'm paying my own tuition and have a 15-month payment plan with my savings and sex work. I was really hoping to be employed, but I did some research and most successful disabled people in America have their own business, entrepreneurship, solopreneurship, and/or have different sources of income. It's a never ending hustle.
I have been in the sex education sector for years now and I do include my sex work. Sex workers are social workers. I have had clients who are decent and have thanked me for showing them that it's ok to look, but with a respectful gaze. I've been complimented for my online sex work advocacy by my own clients, even changing their attitudes and beliefs towards ethical sex work. I feel a lot more comfortable with sex work, however, that's mostly because of the awareness of sex work.
Sex coaching is very different from sex work, mostly for safety and legality. Sex coaching is also very personal from both clientele and coach. There must be trust established. Unlike sex therapy, sex coaches can physically touch our clients (with the proper certification for some form of bodywork certification). Ideally, I would really like to incorporate my sex work and sex coaching because I have learned a lot from my years of sex work and education history. This would need an additional certification for sex surrogacy, but why can't my years of experience simply because I don't have fiscal access to more training.
If you are disabled and want to work in America, forget about it! The sheer safety hazard alone makes sex work so scary currently. Especially for queer Asians with undiagnosed brain inflammation; I happen to be a part of this demographic. My disability has been very debilitating since it affected my right hand, inabiling writing functions. I am currently practicing body regulation for stress and extreme self-care. Sex coaching is my passion and the doubt my family has for my success only fuels my grind. I jokingly respond with, "well then I die," when asked about my uncertain future because this country does not care about my life. For many disabled people, death is a form of liberation because living is simply too much to handle.
