Full Moon in Aries Writing Circle

Prompt: What emotions are being activated through my relationships? How can I be present with this without overthinking?

Oh Mommy Dearest! Like Faye Dunaway, you got away with a lot of psychological atrocities. I'm very happy that my Valium is a controlled substance so you don't blame it on me, but you still will. And that's fine. I'm willing to sacrifice a FREE trip to Europe just to be away from you. My body is physiologically fighting you by attacking my immune system through cortisol. The thing that broke my brain in the first place, leaving me crippled to limp this world without maternal love. 

Please understand that it's not always about you, but I feel smothered by your constant hovering. You're like a hummingbird stuck on my (sometimes LITERAL) flower when I have no pollen left to give. Hummingbirds’ heartbeats are known to be rapid, but your heart does not beat for me AND THAT'S OKAY. I have released you, but I cannot help but revert back to old coping habits when I'm with you. Unconsciously biting the inside of my lips, drinking and eating like a rabid rhinoceros, making poor decisions, and general lack of wanting to live. My anxiety and restlessness are elevated when you are present, and it's not a gift! We're both ticking, fucking time bombs when we're in presence of each other! 

So I'm stepping away, not by choice, but by emotional resistance. I've left many times during our family talks and y'all don't notice so why should I stay? Thanks to you, I am so good at goodbyes and break ups. Every time I've ended a relationship whether it was platonic, romantic, sexual, professional, I learned how to acknowledge the hurt and walk away from things that are/were no longer aligned with me. So thanks for that, I guess?