A Part of My Inner Child Died Watching Lea Salonga Perform Live
Imagine this -- the youngest and only girl of 4 older brothers, throughout her Filipino life heavily identifying with Disney characters like Mulan and Jasmine. A newly 5-year-old US immigrant, dramatically navigating the struggles of growing up with a fast-paced, high standard and high achieving family, while learning and navigating two cultures. Reflection was my go-to song whenever I felt small around my family and I sang it a lot, usually ending up crying in the shower (one of my few escapes as I shared a room since 2006). Part Of That World by Jodi Benson is my most relatable Disney song because I grew up fantasizing about escaping my complex family. Looking back, I was emotionally, physically, and mentally abused by my narcissistic mother. I know that if abortions were legally and morally accepted in the Philippines, I wouldn't exist and a lot of my childhood was full of not wanting to be born.
I'm grown now.
Then I saw Lea Salonga live this past Saturday and it was the worst professional concert I've ever attended. I need to look into the genetics of singing, but I know an off note when I hear it and I'm only now realizing how dangerous this gift is to a music lover. Lea Salonga is no longer my Disney princess because of how bad her performance was. I understand that she is human and singers have their off days, like any job. However, as a Tony-award winner, I don't think you should read your spiel from a teleprompter. Lea, you're a Broadway star! You couldn't memorize your set when you've been doing theater since you were 7 and known for perfect pitch? My brother and I were sitting at the final standing ovation and heard all the praise during our 13-min wait for our Uber. We had to silently and unhappily stand there listening to people talk about how amazing it was. We talked in the Uber and was shocked at how much praise she was getting. “Ang galing (how amazing),” “iba talaga si Lea (Lea is definitely different [from the rest]),” and people comparing her to Mariah Carey (no diss to Mariah, but I only like ‘We Belong Together,’ so I was offended). We even gaslit ourselves by thinking, “are we crazy? She was off a lot,” then we realized that we would be shunned from the Filipino singing community if we ever posted this on Facebook because toxic fans who can't handle criticism of their faves without being brutally harassed online.
I can't separate the artist from the art, I recently realized. We're currently in an era of adults learning about the consequences of their abusers. As the internet kids get older, we’re learning more about the abuse of power. After the child SA allegations of Michael Jackson, I can't hear his music the same way. Same goes for Bill Cosby, Letitia Wright, Leonardo DiCaprio, Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis and her husband, Ashton Kutcher (RIP to That 70s Show too). Those are just a few of so many celebrities and artists that I no longer wish to support. Which is why I pivoted to the mentality that celebrities are just glorified normal people. I've seen so many videos of people singing amazingly and they don't even want fame; we just sing because we love it! Let's face it, Hollywood is incredulously mediocre! Besides some big-budget gems, independent film companies, and POC musicians, most of them don't compare to other countries’ entertainment standards; a lot of Western music has black roots too (I'm talking to you, Mr. Elvis “culture-vulture” Presley). I've consumed my most diverse music content in the past 4 years; with the rise of international artists like Jessie Reyes, Bad Bunny, Kali Uchis, Stell and Pablo from SB19, and even some heavy metal music from my Canada road trip with my OGs since 03. I even enjoy casual to intricate instrumentals, including the subgenre that is bardcore. I love music! I cannot go a day without singing!
I reconnected with one of my brother's ex girlfriend when she found me on Instagram after going through the healing process of her break-up for the past 2 decades. I don't want to share her story because I promised her to not let anyone in my family know. This reconnection couldn't have been more perfect because I saw Lea and a slew of famous Filipino music royalty and artistry on her feed. I messaged my brother's survivor about my excitement of Lea and she told me to let me know what I thought. I shared and she mentioned some things going on in Lea’s life that may have affected her performance. As aforementioned, I understand that life will life. However, I would've preferred to have seen transparency and vulnerability at the very beginning from Lea, in order for me to fully understand why the performance was so mediocre. Either explain to your fans or cancel the tour.
On the other hand, mental health is heavily misunderstood, especially within Filipino communities. I also understand that Lea Salonga has no obligation to explain herself and I respect that. Though, I'd like to point to the little girl in 2000, crying in the shower after being bullied by my own family, and I cannot help, but feel disappointed. I have every right to feel this way and mourn that part of my inner child. Lea Salonga and I both have valid feelings, but there's still a power hierarchy; she has more resources and I don't. My brother was lucky enough to buy the tickets in advance for a much cheaper price and they were great seats. Lesson learned: I will not go to concerts for my favorites anymore unless they are explicit about the expectations of the concert. My heart cannot handle it and now I must repair my inner child’s broken heart.
