Achievements and Lessons of 2024
Out of the 13 written goals I had in the beginning of 2024, 6 were accomplished, but many more were also completed, such as becoming a novice en español. My biggest, getting certified, was officially in June after my final payment. Paying my way through my dream career is probably my biggest achievement of my life, besides staying alive! I don't think it has really hit me yet because I have been in the sex industry for over 5 years since I graduated from Sex Coach U from their 15-month sex coaching and business program. To be honest, I only needed to do the business part and certification as a sex coach and I do believe there are more options for future students as SCU is constantly and internally evolving. I will add that it is always better to go into a certification program that you’re already interested in and know a lot because it is very time-consuming and a lot of fucking work, even as someone who minored in human sexuality during my undergrad (CURSE YOU, SF STATE, FOR ALLOWING FOLX TO MAJOR IN HUMAN SEXUALITY STUDIES AFTER I GRADUATED. STOP ASKING ME FOR MORE MONEY).
That being said, after watching Anora and reading the lack of intimacy coordinator on set, this made me think of starting a new career path. As I mentioned in this video, I haven't done much research into becoming an intimacy coordinator because I know people in the acting industry/LA peeps (in general), but I really don't want to move to LA. Then I remembered kink.com is based in San Francisco, and thought, “do I really want to do this [pay for more training] again? I do know people in the industry.” Am I going to be in school forever? Do I want to be in school this year? No, because I want to save money, meet my Internet friends, have my first IRL workshop, and join a comedy and music group. Last year I spent a lot indoors because of the lack of energy and income. This year, I've already walked around downtown, went to the East Bay to see my Nanay Conching (short for Consolation) and drove by our first home in America, our old corner apartment. My brother and I reminisced on the times when we were the weird immigrants who brought a bucket for soaking our clothes in (babad) and going back and forth between our apartment and the laundry room. Looking back at my 2nd grade self staying in an apartment that I thought was huge because I was tiny, watching the stove and TV (placed on top of the box it came in [oh the early 2000s…]), I can definitely see echoes of my family's habits in me. I definitely want to continue these habits: weekly cleaning, walk breaks, doing things manually, discovering meditation in cooking, and truly maintaining my mental health over everything. That's probably the biggest thing I learned in my 20s, I am no help when I'm mentally incapacitated, even more so than my physical pain. I can push through the physical stuff, but I've lived with mental illness long enough to know when I am of no use to others. Maybe that’ll be a new endeavor in my 40s!
Boundaries or, simply excusing myself from a situation, is so impactful. I lost 2 of my best friends last year and I did so much self-reflection, peer coaching, journaling, asking for advice from those who know the 2 people and those who do not know them at all, and finally realizing that life is full of relationship fallouts. It is a subject my brother/housemate talk about all the time; why don’t we have friends? We do, but everyone is scattered around the globe and we’re all busy adults. AND THAT'S OKAY. As long as we are intentional, understanding, and accountable and learn from our actions. The world is full of many people! I'm likable, witty, honest (if asked with consent, can be brutally honest), and charming, but I don't tolerate bullies or people who use me anymore. I will no longer give time to those who gaslight me into feeling bad about myself or only want a transactional friendship/relationship. I’ve even cut off ties my nephews who are adults because they are exhibiting the same abusive, cheating, and manipulative traits. I’ve mourned them and they can come back when they’ve changed or truly seeking for help to change. I'm too tired and old for drama; I am not my mother. I'll observe, shut the fuck up, or intervene if there is a possibility of harm to others. THAT'S IT.
Last year was all about healing and managing my mental health. This year, I feel a new grasp on life, despite what the news always portrays. I recently talked to my niece in the Philippines who just turned 16 and is an expecting older sister to a little brother. I asked if she was excited and she told me she was because she has always wanted to take care of a younger brother. Sound familiar? One of my nephews has a January birthday and I asked his older brother what he likes now (no contact until he's 18 because he's the child of my molester). He sent me this picture. Why are Legos so expensive now!? Shit. Why is happiness so expensive!? It took me a decade to manage my traumas and triggers, learn how to navigate life and sneaking around the Amerikan government, not care what others think of me, and have the energy to love life. Despite all the obstacles, my goal this year is to monthly make a positive change with how I think about money, in any way: donating, supporting a small biz, volunteering, attending smaller shows, and just not being such a homebody. I am capable of living my life outside my home and the internet, whether it’s alone or not. I am literally a human cockroach, but clean!
