I've Had My Anchor Partner Since Birth
Why does society only value romantic partnerships? I've only recently realized after a life-altering event that I have already had my anchor partner for 30 years, my brother. The one who held me the most when I was an infant, taught me the good from the bad, advocated for me to our strict parents because I needed friends in a new country, and still takes care of me 78% of the time. I'm going to refer to him as Papa because it makes me so uncomfortable when I call him by his name. He was 16 when I was born, both parents were hustling to get to America in the next 5 years. My most expensive tattoo is an outline of an old photo of him holding me as a baby, paid for my swimming lessons after lecturing our parents after almost drowning at a pool party, and he paid for my entire college tuition! WHO DOES THAT? MY BROTHER, THAT’S WHO! When we had to share rooms when we first arrived here, I would always feel the safest with him. More recently, after 4 years of configuring cohabitation as grown-ass adults past 30, a floor in between has truly helped us, along with combined growth, we have finally established a peaceful, collaborative ecosystem.
My brother has always been level-headed, even during near-death experiences in both national and international adventures. He is the best out of all of us siblings, which is why I get concerned when something bad happens to him. He has no vices; doesn’t drink, smoke, gamble, but he wants to, he just knows that once a family member starts, they rarely stop. That’s addiction for ya! His self-control is truly admirable, but also worries the fuck out of me. His beloved 10yo, 1980-something white Corvette was stolen, which he never parks in our car-thief-friendly neighborhood. He rarely used that car because 1) he still cares about the environment and 2) he preserves it for special occasions! He knows how much I hate sitting in that inaccessible, loud-ass car, but it gives him so much joy [he literally reverts back to child-like behavior when he gets excited and passionate about something]. He is a 25yo in a 44yo’s body and no, it does not bother me when people say I look older, but we do not understand why? Do they not know Asian skincare? Cetaphil? Aloe vera gel? Daily face and neck (do not forget the ears) sunscreen, even indoors?
When I first heard the news of his Corvette, it was from a call from my brother, trying to hide the frustrations in his voice as he told me he was walking to the police station to file a report. We all know the kops aren't going to give a shit about some Filipino-American dude's car when they are avidly trying to eradicate the city’s autonomy. The San Francisco police department doesn't give a flyng rat about the community besides their own boiling blue blood. This isn't even the first time this city has betrayed us, but we're still here and we're not leaving because he just bought his retirement/dream property. Timely enough, my brother had intentions of leaving his Corvette at that property because of the safety issues and is also thinking about trading in his used Subaru Outback for a van (we begged our mother to not sell our first car purchase in America, a red Toyota Sienna, because we could've turned it into a camper van. She needed the money more at the time). I’m worried about his mental state and overall health because I literally will die without him and vice versa, another reason why I am shifting towards healthier options, working my ass off, and hope that I can take care of him when he can no longer take care of me.
Reflecting on the evolution of my brother and I's dynamic duo, it didn't start when I became disabled, it started at birth. HE IS LITERALLY TATTOOED ON MY BODY AND IT IS MY MOST EXPENSIVE TATTOO. We shared a bedroom until 5th grade when my family finally bought a bigger house. However, we are both Scorpios (he's October, I'm November. Interpret that however you want). He is very meticulous, I am more laissez-faire. He has undiagnosed OCD, I have had two 5150s. He has hella money, I have $800 under his name because I can't have anything over $2k in my bank account or I'll lose my Medi-Cal and SSI. He's the star, I'm the backup harmonizer. 4 years, y'all, 4 YEARS OF ATTEMPTING TO BE A DECENT, FUNCTIONING, AND SURVIVING OUR OWN PERSONAL DEMONS. But he has always been my anchor and I'm the free little mermaid who gets the agency because of her anchor. We look out for one another, protect each other, but also know that we have different POVs and can still be besties singing (he’s belting, I’m harmonizing) to Regine V. during our road trips. The first day of this year, 2025, we took a day trip to the East Bay to visit our paternal grandmother’s grave for her birthday and he cried. I may not know how he thinks or feels all the time, but I know how and when to provide space and gentle touch for him. I’VE KNOWN HIM MY WHOLE LIFE FFS.
LOVE YOU, PA!
ILAH AND HER BROTHER AT THEIR GRANDMOTHER’S GREY HEADSTONE [MIDDLE]. RIGHT SIDE: ILAH IS SMILING WITH TEETH AND HAS ON A PINK, FLUFFY BUCKET HAT, SUNGLASSES, FRONT PARTS OF HER HAIR ARE GREEN, BUT MOST IS BROWN, LIKE THE FLUFFY + BROWN JACKET. LEFT SIDE: ILAH’S BROTHER IS SMILING IN A GREY BASEBALL CAP WITH A RED LOGO ON THE CENTER, GLASSES BUT YOU CAN STILL SEE HIS EYES, AND A CAMO GREEN COAT. BACKDROP ARE OTHER VIBRANT FLOWERS WITH GREY/BLACK HEADSTONES.
