I'm Rawdogging Life Right Now & I'm Doing Okay
A lot of things are going on right now, both personally and externally. Mostly personally and I haven't had some of my medication (Prozac and Seroquel) since my return (Dec 27). I am, as I like to call it, rawdogging life; living life without medication just to see what happens. Just kidding because I didn't have a choice! For some internal system reason, I lost access to my disability insurance, or SSS (Social Security Subsidiaries) Additionally, I've been jet lagged and generally exhausted. I needed this time to recalibrate my life and body and it sucks that most people do not have this recalibration period. For the disabled community, we are so hyperaware of our immediate environment and sometimes have to think ahead before going out.
*My vagina DOES NOT belong to the government!
Most of my close and oldest friends know this about me, but even before I was physically disabled, I like to be 2-3 hours before a hangout or dinner. I like to scope out the environment, have some alone time, maybe talk to a stranger and get to know how they found themselves in that bar-resto at that exact date and time. Now I have to account for parking availability, if I need to prep for an unexpected hill, or if the only available place to sit is at a bar stool. It's tedious and could be a sign of undiagnosed OCD, but can America please me more accessible? Surprisingly, besides the physical signs of withdrawal with the combination of jet lag, I'm mentally managing these obstacles well. I'm aware that I need to be more physically active and walk more, and this isn't me making excuses, but being outside in the rain sucks and terrifies me when I'm driving. My caretaker also removes the disability device that allows me to drive, limiting my car usage. I cannot live anymore north of San Francisco because it's already wet enough here!
- January 22, 2024
I haven't been having a good time with life lately. I am just now, post-4 weeks of returning from the Philippines and Taiwan, getting my sleeping schedule fairly regulated. I say, “fairly,” because I find myself sleeping from 1:00 p.m. up until, at most, 7:00 p.m. It's currently January 29, 2024 at 9:17am and I have fixed all of my health insurance bullshit. I'm thinking about going back to talk therapy to avoid medication because, holy shit, I didn't realize how much my libido is suppressed by my meds. All my vaginal glands are working overtime to achieve this WAP (wet ass pussy). My toys have been dying on me and I need to charge almost all of the chargeable sex toys.
The rain in the Bay has ceased and I intend on going to a free screening of the latest Mr. & Mrs. Smith on Wednesday with Maya Eskrine and Donald Glover. I'm also going to finish my sex coaching program by April and am already looking for participants. I've stopped drinking alcohol and limited my weed usage, and I've lost body fat through change of diet alone. I do not believe in time as a construct, but I do believe it's linear. With all that being said, 2024 is going to be a fun year.
