Television, My 1st Love…
Almost every 90s kid will tell you their favorite 90s cartoon or character. Whether it's the live action Scooby-Doo (YES, THE LIVE ACTION FILM STARRING HORROR KINGS AND QUEEN, SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR, FREDDIE PRINZE JR, AND MATTHEW LILLARD) or my father and I's bond for The Looney Toons, I loved my television. Every morning during elementary school, there would be background noise of something from either Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon while getting prepped for school. It was also my father who drove me every single school day because he was a stay-at-home dad who worked nights at the Hilton; we would be so happy when he brought home leftover steak from an event.
In my fandom teenage years, it was Skins UK, Misfits, The Walking Dead, (unapologetically) Glee, and many many more. Before that, I remember watching shows with my brother such as The OC, Jack & Bobby, and Heroes. Now that my palate has matured and has stayed the same, but now have moved to The Last of Us, Breaking Bad, Broad City, and Midnight Mass. This made me stumble upon horror television. Zombies are not scary to me, but real life religion does. Television has been a form of escapism for me and it has never resonated harder as I get older.
It was either a series, movies, music, or drugs for me. As a disabled person with limited money, I cannot do much at this point in my life. My business is still growing and I'm very thankful for the opportunities that lie ahead, but it's the inactivity that activates my cravings. Boredom often follows drug use for me. The escapism of illicit drugs numbs both my emotional and physical pain. I'm terrified of my brother/father figure finding my cold body due to an overdose or alcohol poisoning. If I'm going to be addicted to something, it has to be through a creative medium.
I don't do illicit drugs because I want to, but they are ingrained in my epigenetics. My father was a smoker and only stopped smoking when he found out he was having a girl. Not to mention all the addicts in my family on both sides; drug abuse, alcohol, gambling, and hard drugs (mostly the rural side of my family). I also take legal drugs which are also addictive such as Valium (for anti-spasticity) and marijuana (for sleeping aid and pain relief). As many of you know that I am a big proponent of harm reduction and I truly believe that I am failing to reduce harm towards myself. I'm not an addict, I am prone to becoming an addict, and I'm trying my hardest not to slip. Thanks for reading. 💖
