The Importance of Community and Staying True To Yourself
Lipa, Batangas, my mother's hometown. She started working at 4, school at 5.5 and was 11.5 when she started high school; a hella positive trait along with having photographic memory. It's also where my grandparents hid a Japanese soldier during WWII (so that's where I got my activism from). It's where me and my cousins walked until dark and literally reached the edge of our street. Everyone is related and the chismis is rampant. Lipa is where my favorite person was born (he still has his dried up, crusty umbilical cord) and my Inay (grandmother) Rosita, told my mother, “oh Aida, your child is hideous," (so that's where I got my brutal honesty). I am so happy to be surrounded by people who are so hilariously loud and petty. I'm just now realizing the importance of community and family connections. I cried when I saw the picture of my grandparents hanging in their now-renovated house (the old house was so much more open and breezier). My heart is so fucking full of love.
I used to visit the Philippines more often when I was a kid because one, flights were cheaper and two, I was still able-bodied. Actually, the second to last time (the last time was in 2017 for our renovated house party in San Pedro, Laguna) was when I took my literal microscopic brain slides to the Philippines to potentially get answers with my mystery encephalitis blessing. Yes, my disability has positively changed my life. There, I said it. I wouldn't have it about other way. ANYWAYS. My mother's childhood home is a very special place for community. Almost all of my maternal bloodline are still there; my cousin has a dental office in front of her home.
I'm not going to lie, my ears hurt from all the yelling and constant chatter. Want to know how we kill time? We eat, drink, and talk on a terrace; or clean! My mother's first cousin-in-law is 80 and the way she does laundry is insanely clean. She handwashes clothes and then puts it in the washing machine. Growing up, I obviously didn't understand shit because I was a child. Now that I'm older, I'm seeing the importance of community and family (chosen or not). I've been having many conversations with friends about friendships and adulthood. We really have to be intentional with our relationships.
Check-in with each other. I'm not afraid to reach out, unlike my parents and brother who just make assumptions. They tend to tampo, or hold grudges. For example, I wanted to experience drinking with my father as we listen to live music (I realized that it was better he stayed home because of the environment). He's a stubborn motherfucker (ha! LITERALLY) and I'm elated that I no longer hold this trait. I never got a chance to apologize because he was already asleep when we got home. The next morning, I slipped on my way out of the humid bathroom. I yelled for help and thankfully, my HOH father was nearby. Naked, He knows that we have limited time and I explained to him that I only have a month here and we don't know when we'll next see each other. I always have to remind them that we are adults with lives; we're busy! And you never know what's going on in someone's life. One of my biggest pet peeves are people making assumptions. Don't assume, just ask! It's not that fucking hard! If you are too afraid to ask; vulnerability is hella sexy. What are you going to lose? Your friend? Honey, they are no longer your friend. Don't be afraid to set boundaries. Most importantly, stay true to yourself and approach ever situation with compassion and an awareness that you're not all-knowing.
I've been here less than a week, but I've already learned so much about my bloodline and culture. I'm Eat, Pray, Loving the fuck out of my life right except I'm actually Filipinx. My spirit is elated with joy being surrounded by people who [sort of] look like me; I'm tall, light-skinned, and people always assume I'm Korean or Japanese. I smile and wave at people who stare to create change or, at least, lessen the stigma of disability, relationships, and sex. I'm very comfortable with myself and who I really am. I have ascended into my ultimate form. Just kidding! I don't believe in stagnancy; there's always room for improvement. Yes, there are still so many problematic people, but they are literally going extinct. You know what I say? GOOD, STAY DEAD, YOU XENOPHOBES.
